"I spent ten years to hate, but spent most of the rest of my life for love. I am free of it due to death, but I could never free from the love that is so sincere "
I hate it, that's what always whisper in my heart for most of our time together. Though married, I never really surrender my heart to him. Married under compulsion parents, my husband made me hate myself.
Although forced to marry, I never showed my hatred attitude. Though hated it, every day I serve him as a wife task. I had to do it all because I have no other handle.Several times the willingness leave it but I do not have the financial ability and support anyone. Both my parents are very fond of my husband because according to them, my husband is a perfect husband figure for their only daughter.
When married, I became very spoiled wife. I did everything as I choose. My husband also spoiled in such a way. I never really live my duty as a wife. I always rely on it because I think it was already supposed to be after what he did to me. I have given my life to him so that made me happy with his duty to obey all my wishes.
In our house, I'm the queen. No one dared to resist. If there is a little problem, I always blamed my husband. I do not like a wet towel placed on the bed, I hated to see him put the milk stirring spoon rest on the table and leave scars sticky, I hate it when she wears my computer though just to finish the job. I'm angry that he hung his clothes in kapstock my shirt, I'm also angry that he wore without squeezing toothpaste with neat, I was angry when he contacted me up many times when I'm having fun with my friends.
At first I chose not to have children. Although it does not work, but I do not want to take care of the child. Initially he supported, and i take KB program with pills. But apparently he hid his desire so deep until one day I forget to take the pill and even though he knew he let it. I also pregnant and only realized after more than four months, doctor refused abortion.It's her greatest anger. Anger grew when I contains a pair of twins and had to undergo a difficult birth. I forced her to perform vasectomies so I'm not pregnant anymore. Obediently she did all my wishes because I threatened to leave him with her two children us.
Time passed until the children do not feel repetitive to-eight years. As early the previous morning, I woke up at the end. Her husband and children were waiting for me at the dinner table. As usual, it was he who provides breakfast and drive the kids to school. That day, he reminded that the day there is the anniversary of my mother. I just replied with a nod regardless of the words that remind events the previous year, then I choose to mall and the mother was not present at the event. Well, because they feel stuck with my marriage, I also hate my parents.
Prior to the office, my husband usually just kissed my cheek and followed the children. But that day, he also held me so that children tease her father with noise. I tried to dodge and off her arms. Though finally smiling with children. He returned to kiss up to several times in front of the door, as if the weight to go.
When they go, I will decide to go to a salon. Spending time to the salon is my hobby. I arrived at the salon langgananku a few hours later. In the salon I met one of my friends at the same time people who do not like. We chatted with each exhibiting fun including our activities. It was time I had to pay the bill salon, but how shocked I was when I realized that my wallet left behind at home. Although reached into my bag to the deepest part of me could not find it in the bag. While trying to remember what happened until I could not find my wallet I called my husband and asked.
"Sorry dear, yesterday Farhan asking pocket money and I had little money then I took from your wallet. I forgot to put it back into your bag, I think I put it on top of my desk. "He said gently explained.
Angrily, I scolded him harshly. I hung up without waiting finished. Shortly thereafter, my cell phone rang again, and although still upset, I will lift it with half a snap. "What'S More ??"
"Honey, I'm home now, I'll take your wallet and take him with you. Unfortunately now there where? "My husband asked quickly, worried I hung back. I call my salon name and without waiting for the answer again, I'm back off the phone. I talked to the cashier and say that my husband would come pay my bill. The owner of the salon that my friend actually let me go and said I could pay for it later when I'm back again. But shame because the "enemy" I also heard behind me proud to owe wallet first.
It was raining when I look out and hope the car my husband soon to. Minutes passed into hours, I was getting impatient to start the phone call my husband. There was no answer even though it was many times I called. Though usually only two times already lifted my phone rang. I began to feel uneasy and angry.
My phone was appointed after several attempts. When sound bentakanku out yet again, a strange voice answered the phone my husband. I was silent for a few moments before the sound of the stranger introduced himself, "good afternoon, mom.Is the wife of the father Armandi mother? "I answer that question immediately.Foreign man proved to be a cop, he told me that my husband had an accident and this time he was taken to the police hospital. At that time I was just speechless and just answer thank you. When the phone is closed, I crouched down in confusion. My hands clutched the phone in my hands and some salon employee approached me with alacrity asked what my face became pale white as paper.
Somehow I ended up in the hospital. Somehow also knew the whole family was there to catch up. I'm just waiting for my husband's silence in front of the emergency room. I do not know what to do as long as it was he who did everything for me. When finally after waiting several hours, just as the sunset call to prayer sounded a doctor came out and deliver the news. My husband has gone. He went not because of the accident itself, stroke was the one that led to his death. Done heard that fact, I actually busy strengthen my parents and his parents were in shock. There was absolutely no tears a drop out in my eyes. I was busy calming father and mother-in-law. Children who hit hugged her tightly but grief they completely unable to make me cry.
When the body was taken to the house and I sat in front of him, I stared at that face. I realized this was the first time I really looked at his face that seemed fast asleep. I approached her and looked at it carefully. It was then that my chest becomes congested remembered what he had given me over the past ten years we were together. I touched his face that had been slowly cool and I realized this is the first time I touched his face, which had always decorated with a warm smile. Tears broke my eyes, blurring my vision. I gasped trying to wipe the tears that did not prevent her last glance, I want to remember all the parts of his face so sweet memories of my husband does not end just like that. But instead of stopping, the more torrential tears flooded my cheeks. Warning of a mosque imam who can not afford the funeral procession set me stop crying. I tried to hold her, but my chest to remember what I did to him last time we spoke.
I remembered how I never noticed his health. I almost never set her eating. Though he always control what I eat. He noticed vitamins and medications that should kukonsumsi especially when pregnant and after giving birth. He never missed a meal reminded regularly, sometimes even fed me when I'm lazy eating. I never knew what he was eating because I never asked. Even I do not know what he likes and dislikes.Almost the whole family knew that my husband is a fan of instant noodles and strong coffee. My chest tightened hear it, because I know he may be forced to eat instant noodles because I hardly ever cook for him. I only cook for the kids and myself. I do not care she had eaten or not when home from work. He could eat my cooking only if trace. He came home late every day because of the office is quite far away from home. I never want to respond to his request to move closer to his office for not far from where my friends live.
At the funeral I could not resist anymore. I fainted when I saw her disappear with a pile of soil that hoard. I do not know anything until waking up in my big bed. I woke up with a sense of regret meet my chest cavity. Extended family talked me in vain because they never knew why I was so hurt to lose him.
The days that I lead after his departure is not freedom as long as it wanted but instead stuck in the desire to be with him. In the early days of his departure, I sat stared at the empty plate. Father, mother and mother-in-law talked me into eating.But remember was when my husband persuaded me to eat when I'm mengambek first. When I forget to bring a towel in the shower, I screamed like a regular call and when even my mother who came, I crouched down crying in the bathroom hoping he comes. Habit that call every time I could not do anything at home, making his friend answered the phone confusion. Every night I waited for him in the bedroom and hope tomorrow morning I woke up with the next figure.
In the past I was so upset when sleeping hear snoring, but now I often woke up because of longing to hear back. First I was annoyed because he often messy in our bedroom, but now I feel our bedroom was empty and hollow. I used to be so upset if it does the job and left it on my laptop without logs out, now I'm looking at the computer, wipe the keys hoping his fingerprints are still left there. In the past I do not like it to make coffee without placemats on the table, now the scar left in the last breakfast not want to erase. Typical television remote hidden, now with easy I found though I hope to replace his loss to lose the remote. All of stupidity that I did because I did not realize that he loves me and I've been hit by an arrow love.
I was also mad at myself, I was angry because all look normal even though he was not there. I am angry because the clothes are still there to leave the smell that makes me homesick. I'm angry because he can not stop all my sorrow. I was angry because there was nothing else to persuade me to calm down, nobody else reminded to pray though now I do it with sincerity. I pray because I want to apologize, apologize to God for wasting husband who was awarded to me, asking for forgiveness for being a good wife to a husband who is not so perfect. Prays were able to remove my grief little by little. Love God showed me with so much attention from the family for me and the kids. My friends who have been defending Stand up, almost never show their noses after the departure of my husband.
Forty days after his death, the family reminded to rise from adversity. There are two children were waiting for me and should I lived. Back confusion came over me. So far I know wrong and never worked. All done my husband. How much revenue as long as I never cared, I cared only the amount of dollars that he transfer to my account for personal use and wear for every month the money was almost never left. From the office where she works, and their last salary I earn bonus compensation. When saw I did not expect silent, turns the entire salary is transferred into my account for this.Though I was never the slightest use for domestic purposes. Nowhere else he earned money to meet the needs of the household because I never asked about itu.Yang though I know now I have to work or my children would not be able to live because of the amount of the last salary and bonus compensation will not be enough to support the three of us. But work where? I almost never had any experience at all. Everything is always governed by him.
Confusion missed some time later. My father came with a notary. He brings a lot of documents. Then notary provide a letter. Husband's affidavit that he bequeathed his entire estate to me and the children, she accompanied her mother in the letter but that made me unable to say anything is what she wrote to me.
Dear wife Liliana,
Sorry to have to leave you in advance, dear. sorry to make you responsible for taking care of everything yourself. Sorry that I can not give you love and affection again. God gave me the time is too short for love and children is the best thing I ever did for you.
If I could, I would like to accompany dear forever. But I do not want you to lose my love for granted. So far I have been saving little by little for your life later. I do not want pity hard after I left. There's not much but I hope I can give affection can use to raise and educate children. Do your best to them, yes dear.
Do not cry, my dear are spoiled. Do a lot of things to make your life wasted all this time. I give you the freedom to realize the dreams that you do not have time for this.Forgive me if I trouble you, and may God give me a better mate.
Teruntuk Farah, my beloved daughter. Forgive as the father could not be there with.Be a good wife as mother and Farhan, knight protector. Keep mother and Farah. Do not be a naughty boy again and always remember where you were, the father will be there to see it. Okay, Buddy !.
I sobbed read the letter, there are cartoons with glasses who was given a distinctive tongue stuck my husband if he sends a note.
Notary told that during my husband has some insurance and savings deposits from the legacy of his biological father. My husband made some effort from the savings deposits and the results are quite successful effort though dimanajerin by those beliefs. I can only cried know how great his love for us, so that when death came to him he still overwhelm us with love.
I never thought to get married again. The number of men in attendance was able to remove the figure is still so alive in my heart. Day by day just spent for my children. When my parents and in-laws go one by one leaving dives ever, none left deep sadness grief when my husband left.
Now both men and twenty three year old daughter. Two more days my daughter married a young man from across the land. Our daughter asked, "Mommy, I have to how later after becoming a wife, because the Farah can not cook, can not wash, how ya mam?"
I embrace it and said "Love affection, love your husband, love your heart choices, love what he has and you will get everything. Because of love, you will learn to please him, will learn to accept its shortcomings, will learn that for any issue, you'll get it done in the name of love. "
My daughter looked at me, "like a mother's love for dad? Love that's what makes mothers remain loyal to the father until now? "I shook my head," no, my dear. Love your husband as a father loves my mother used, such as a father loved you both.Loyal to the father because the mother's father's love is so great in the mother and the two of you. "
I may not be lucky because no time to show my love for my husband. I spent ten years to hate, but spent most of the rest of my life for love. I am free of it due to death, but I could never free from the love that is so sincere.
That's the real story is very sad and Warming,
Hopefully this event can make us learn to be grateful with what we have, because:
What we expect is not necessarily we get and
what we get is not necessarily what we expected,
But Believe God will give we the best
(For / by us and for / by people who we love)
